You and Ex Get Back Together 101

How can you and your ex get back together and stop divorce. The divorce statistics say 50% of marriages end in divorce and this is climbing. Apparently getting married is a lot easier than staying married. Stopping your divorce can seem like an impossibility but it is not.

Most people get hurt in divorce and scarring sometimes last forever. I have talked to many adults who never did get over the hurt of their parents’ divorce. Knowing this, you may be wondering “How do I stop my divorce?”

     Below are three steps for you to get your ex back and stop divorce.

THE FIRST THING you need to realize is that lip service doesn’t work. Saying that you’ve changed does not mean you really have changed. This is especially true if you are the person who is at fault in the relationship. You are going to need some concrete action to back up what you say.

Affairs are like knives in the heart. They are going to take time for your partner to believe that you are no longer going back to your wandering ways. Your word can not be honored if you have been telling lies and covering up your tracks to hide an affair. You will need more than just telling your partner that you’re not stepping out anymore. Don’t fight your partner wanting to monitor your activities. Better yet, make the suggestion yourself to check in with him or her on a frequent basis. You have violated a trust that takes time to heal. Your job may require you to travel, and this is where you have fallen into temptation. The best thing to do would be to find another job where you stay close to home. Although in today’s economy if you have a job you definitely keep it. If this is the case you must find other means to fight the temptation of affairs.

Messing up a relationship is not only caused by affairs. For instance, if the wife’s (or husband’s) spending habits are causing money problems this can weaken the marriage. Credit cards might have to be cut up and the commitment to live on a cash only allowance might have to go into effect. Like I said before, it is getting harder to make it financially therefore many are working longer hours to make up for todays economy situations. If the work habits keep you or your ex away from home too often, the commitment may have to be made to be home by 6:30 every night no matter what. Or at least pick certain nights you will always be home early. At the core, you are going to have to decide what is the most important thing in your life? If it is your marriage, you will make the necessary changes. Remember, actions speak louder than words. Lip service will not make the cut.

STEP NUMBER TWO – Avoid using emotional blackmail if you want you and your ex to get back together and stop your divorce. Recognize that love is not enough to save your marriage. Telling your partner, “but I love you” in the heat of an argument will not win you any points. When you say “I love you” at inappropriate times, this weakens the emotional tie that love has between you. Your words once again become lip service without a solid foundation.

“I love you” are powerful words and their message will be stronger when your wounds are mended, not in the heat of an argument.

You can’t use guilt to change your partner’s mind. You will get nowhere healthy arguing like this. If you feel that you must win an argument and need to use guilt then you have already lost. Which this leads to our final point.

AND STEP NUMBER THREE – Don’t think that you have to win an argument. Some people like to use their superior logic or argumentative skills to “prove” they are right and their partner is wrong. You may even feel that you must have the last word in so your point is clear. This may work in a formally scored debate, but in a marriage (which is scored on emotions not logic) it’s sure to fail. Instead of arguing, try to think of some solutions to solve the problem. If your spouse brings up a fault in you, don’t argue back. Just calmly discuss possibilities for solutions. You will get somewhere a lot faster this way.

Start your marriage relationship mending by following the advice I’ve laid out here. If you want to take this further, follow this link and there will be more suggestions and an ebook on how you and your ex get back together and stop divorce.